Questions *I* Would Ask During a Paranormal Investigation

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I’m going to preface this post by saying that the smartassery contained herein is entirely intentional.

A lot has happened in the months since I last updated this blog. For one thing, I’ve gone on my first overnight paranormal investigation, to the Shanley Hotel in upstate New York. It was an excellent experience (so much so that I can’t wait to go back there again), which I will write more about at another time. Right now, my brain cells just aren’t in the right place for serious writing, which is what is needed in order to really do the experience justice. Right now, my brain cells are in what is known as the “smartass space”. This is a place they are known to inhabit on an almost daily basis. Okay, who am I kidding? They inhabit that space pretty darn close to 24/7.

So anyway, last night I attended a nighttime investigation at the Kreischer Mansion on Staten Island. But that’s not really what this post is about. That will need to wait until I finish uploading pictures and debunking anything remotely resembling anything paranormal that could possibly be anything other than anything paranormal, until all that’s left is anything possibly truly paranormal. Got all that? Good, neither did I. I think I just broke a brain cell on that one, and it was one of the good ones.

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However, while I was on last night’s investigation, something came through for me which made an awful lot of sense. The first hint of it was in the form of a (surprise!) smart-ass answer to a spirit being asked the age-old question: “What’s your name?” What came through for me was a rapid-fire, way-too-fast-for-me-to-even-think-of-something-this-quick* response of “Mary Jane.” I’ll admit it. It was funny. I couldn’t help myself. I snorted. This kind of thing happens to me a lot. It makes group meditation sessions rather interesting. If that wasn’t enough, the next pearl of wisdom would have had me in a convulsive fit of laughter, had I not been on “good behavior”. (Note: This is also where you might want to stop reading if you’re easily offended by the use of certain 4, 5 and 6+-letter swear words in the context of a spiritual nature. Don’t say I didn’t warn you:-) “Has anyone ever stopped to think about how totally fucking BORING it is to be asked the same fucking questions all.the.time???” It’s true when you think about it. How many times would you need to be asked “What’s your name?” and/or “How did you die?” before you’d be ready to tell the next person who asked it to STFU, or hurl them down a flight of stairs?

This started me thinking about possible questions I would ask a spirit during a paranormal investigation:

  • How many people have asked you “What’s your name?” within the last few hours?
  • How many different names did you give them?
  • Have you met Sylvia Browne?
  • Are you sick and tired of being asked how you died?
  • Have you ever wanted someone to just STFU and go home already?
  • Do you know any of Dionne Warwick’s Psychic Friends?
  • Has it reached the point where you will absolutely vomit if one more person asks you to turn a light on and off?
  • Have you ever wanted to just smack somebody upside-the head?
  • Have you ever given in to that urge?
  • Would you ever, under any circumstances, take out a loan from Western Sky?

I’ll no doubt think of more as the night goes on. I may have to try these the next time I go on an investigation. I’ll keep you all posted on the results.

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*This is one of the ways I know that something has come through for me, as opposed to being a thought from me in response to something. It comes through not in words, so much as in the form of a super-fast fully-formed complete thought. It’s almost like what you see and hear in that split second when you turn a TV on and shut it off immediately afterwards. I’m quick at catching the stuff coming through that fast, but it’s way too fast for me to have even thought of it, much less put it into words. The way I hear it is also different, but that’s a bit harder to describe.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Workshop…

Well, let’s see. The day started rather strangely. My alarm went off at 5:45 AM, and I felt like just rolling over and going back to sleep. But, I had to be out the door by around 7:30 AM in order to make it into the city for the last day of James Van Praagh’s Soul Retreat at the Sheraton New York. So, I sat up, and noticed that my cat Tigger wasn’t on the bed, like he usually is when it’s time for me to wake up. He’s usually right in my face, but he was nowhere to be seen. I got out of bed and found him sitting under the bed, which was odd for him. Went into the kitchen, got my coffee started, and saw that my wall clock must’ve stopped, because it said it was 5:15 AM. Then I noticed that the clock on the stove, the clock on my microwave, the clock on my DVD player and the clock on the cable box all said 5:13 AM. It turned out that my alarm clock, which was made in the days before they changed Daylight Savings Time on us, automatically set itself ahead an hour. No wonder I felt like I could’ve used some more sleep!

Now that I was up, I had a whole extra hour, which gave me time to listen to this week’s Joel Osteen podcast. If you’ve never listened to Joel Osteen, he’s a really great preacher to listen to, and I highly recommend him to anyone and everyone, regardless of religious denomination. If you come from a more traditional Judeo-Christian background like I do, you may have a bit of difficulty relating to the concepts presented in books like “The Secret”, “The Moses Code” and “What the Bleep Do We Know?” If you do, listening to Joel Osteen may help put it into language and a frame of reference that you can relate to more easily. I don’t know why, but listening to him, reading his books and watching him really works for me. He is really amazing!

This particular Sunday, his topic was about being “anointed with ease”, and how God eases our way with the “oil of ease”, how He makes crooked paths straight, and the rough places plain. It was great, and I felt really inspired! I left my house, and got about two blocks away from my bus stop. It was then that I saw the bus pulling away from the curb. Now, I can run a lot better these days than I used to, but I’m still a far cry from that kind of speed. So, I missed the bus and waited. And I waited. And waited. I waited for over half an hour for the next bus, and during that time, I was really wondering what happened to all that “oil of ease” that I was supposedly anointed with. I had faith though, that whatever the reason was for my delay, there was a reason, and that I would be wherever I was meant to be, whenever I was meant to be there.

I eventually did get on a bus, and did make it to the subway station. As I waited, and waited, and waited for the #7 train to leave the station, I tried not to worry about being late by reminding myself, in the words of James Van Praagh during our workshop, “It is what it is, and that’s all that it is.” I’m not going to lie and say that it was easy, but I did it. I then made it down to the E train platform and saw a rather “colorful” woman who was also at the weekend conference. I’d seen her several times, walking the halls, playing a singing bowl. Those of you who were at the conference will know exactly who I’m talking about. She was an interesting character, for sure!

Well, this colorful character got into the same subway car as me, and was headed towards the empty seat across from me. I’m not proud of it, but I was praying “Oh PLEASE don’t let her sit across from me!” Well, apparently, someone heard me. Instead of sitting in the seat across from me, she stood right smack in the middle of the car. She proceeded to take out one of those kid’s musical instrument toys that looks like a piano, but you blow into it to get the sound. She started playing “La Vie En Rose”. Apparently, not only did this woman spend her days at the conference walking around playing a singing bowl, she was also a musical (albeit questionably so) subway panhandler! (Yes, she did go around asking for donations afterwards!)

All I can say is that it is a very good thing that I did not get coffee on the way, because when she started playing her next number, it would have been all over my fellow passengers! I lost it when she started playing “Besame Mucho”! I’ve written about my adventures with “Besame Mucho” before. There is only one person that could’ve come from. The fact that it was played by an “interesting” woman on a toy instrument on the subway was only further proof. My friend had a truly twisted sense of humor, and the bizarre nature of this whole scene fit him perfectly! I was laughing for the whole ride! It was hilarious!

It was then that I realized that I had to miss the bus and get stuck waiting so that I would be on the same train as this woman. Otherwise, I would never have heard what has to be one of the absolute cheesiest renditions of “Besame Mucho” I’ve heard to date!

Oh, the Search Terms People Use to Find Me!

Every once in a while, I get curious, and look at the list of search terms that people use when they find this site. Some of them are rather funny…

  • holy metal batman
  • putting name in freezer
  • ask dead people
  • ask dead people for questions
  • songs about dead people (not sure how this fits in, but it’s kind of funny)
  • i see dead people in my mind
  • why do you see dead people
  • what do you call it when you see dead pe
  • psyic phenomenoen
  • i see spirit eyes
  • strange message in my digital clock
  • meditation good or bad
  • can i randomly ask for spirits

And numerous variations on the spelling of Archangel Michael

  • who is the angel micheal (which of course, makes me think of “Who is Keyser Soze?”)
  • micheal arch angel
  • micheal angel
  • angel-micheal
  • archangel nathaniel (now that’s a new one)

Who is Arch Angel Micheal?

And why do I suddenly feel like I’m asking “Who is Keyser Soze?”

Now, lest you think I’m totally clueless, I know who the Archangel Michael is. However, I was reading other angel web sites online, and came across some articles by someone who claims to channel messages from Arch Angel Micheal. Forgive me, but seeing this just totally cracked me up!

The first image that came to my mind was an Angel flipping burgers at Mickey D’s. (Get it? Arch Angel? Golden Arches???) My second thought was that maybe Arch Angel Micheal is the sworn arch-enemy of the Archangel Michael – some sort of long-lost evil twin deprived of love, cheated out of his heavenly inheritance, or something like that.

Okay, maybe I’m being over-critical, but, if you’re claiming to channel messages from a Heavenly being, wouldn’t they spell their name right??? Unless, of course, they really are channeling some poor angel tasked with watching over the over 60 billion served, their eternity spent asking, “Would you like fries with that?”

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A Funny Thing Happened Yesterday…

I was reading a post on a message board. The poster was asking if anyone who had ever had a reading done by a really good medium could tell them what it was really like on "the other side". As soon as I read the question, the words "Swiss cheese" popped into my mind.

"Swiss cheese???" I sat there pondering the significance of Swiss cheese as a response to the question for a few seconds when I got the following answer:

"Yes… It's really very holy!"

(Groan) Sounds like something my friend Chris would say.